A discussion at an American airport, in the immigration office:
- Name?
- Muhjmatil Sahtamil.
- Sex ?
- Three times a week.
- I mean male or female.
- It doesn't matter...

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his.Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out:
"Business trip or vacation?".
"Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago," she states.
Whoa!!! He swallows hard and is instantly crazed with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks:
"What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer", she says. "I use my experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really," he says, swallowing hard,"what myths are those?"
"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best
lovers, when actually it is men of Greek descent."
Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!".
"Winnetou," the man says, as he extends his hand. "Winnetou Papadopoulos."

In engleza il voi traduce... data viitoare
Titlul : Curs de economie

Supposons deux vaches...




SOCIALISME : Vous avez deux vaches. Vos voisins vous aident à vous en occuper et vous vous partagez le lait.
COMMUNISME : Vous avez deux vaches. Le gouvernement vous prend les deux et vous fournit en lait.
FASCISME : Vous avez deux vaches. Le gouvernement vous prend les deux et vous vend le lait.
NAZISME : Vous avez deux vaches. Le gouvernement vous prend la vache blonde et abat la brune.
DICTATURE : Vous avez deux vaches. Les miliciens les confisquent et vous fusillent.
FEODALISME : Vous avez deux vaches. Le seigneur s'arroge la moitié du lait.
DEMOCRATIE : Vous avez deux vaches. Un vote décide à qui appartient le lait.
DEMOCRATIE REPRESENTATIVE : Vous avez deux vaches. Une élection désigne celui qui décidera à qui appartient le lait.
DEMOCRATIE DE SINGAPOUR : Vous avez deux vaches. Vous écopez d'une amende pour détention de bétail en appartement.
ANARCHIE : Vous avez deux vaches. Vous les laissez se traire en autogestion.
CAPITALISME : Vous avez deux vaches. Vous en vendez une, et vous achetez un taureau pour faire des petits.
CAPITALISME DE HONG KONG : Vous avez deux vaches. Vous en vendez trois, par le biais de votre société cotée en bourse, en utilisant des lettres de créance ouvertes par votre beau-frère auprès de votre banque. Puis vous faites un "échange de dettes contre participation", assorti d'une offre publique, et vous récupérez quatre vaches dans l'opération, tout en bénéficiant d'un abattement fiscal pour entretien de cinq vaches. Les droits sur le lait de six vaches sont alors transférés par un intermédiaire panaméen sur le compte d'une société des îles Caïman, détenue clandestinement par un actionnaire qui revend à votre société cotée les droits sur le lait de sept vaches. Au rapport de la dite société figurent huit ruminants, avec option d'achat sur une bête supplémentaire. Entre temps vous abattez les deux vaches parce que leur horoscope est défavorable.
CAPITALISME SAUVAGE : Vous avez deux vaches. Vous équarrissez l'une, vous forcez l'autre à produire autant que quatre, et vous licenciez finalement l'ouvrier qui s'en occupait en l'accusant d'avoir laissé la vache mourir d'épuisement.
BUREAUCRATIE : Vous avez deux vaches. Le gouvernement publie des règles d'hygiène qui vous invitent à en abattre une. Après quoi il vous fait déclarer la quantité de lait que vous avez pu traire de l'autre, il vous achète le lait et il le jette. Enfin il vous fait remplir des formulaires pour déclarer la vache manquante.
ÉCOLOGIE : Vous avez deux vaches. Vous gardez le lait et le gouvernement vous achète la bouse.
FEMINISME : Vous avez deux vaches. Le gouvernement vous inflige une amende pour discrimination. Vous échangez une de vos vaches pour un taureau que vous trayez aussi.
SURREALISME : Vous avez deux girafes. Le gouvernement exige que vous leur financiez une formation d'harmonica.
CAPITALISME EUROPEEN : On vous subventionne la première année pour acheter une 3eme vache. On fixe des quotas la deuxième année et vous payez une amende pour surproduction. La 3eme année, on vous donne une prime pour abattre la 3eme vache.
MONARCHIE CONSTITUTIONNELLE BRITANNIQUE : Vous tuez une des vaches pour la donner à manger à l'autre. La vache vivante devient folle. L'Europe vous subventionne pour l'abattre. Vous la donnez à manger à vos deux moutons.
CAPITALISME A LA FRANCAISE : Pour financer la retraite de vos deux vaches, le gouvernement décide de lever un nouvel impôt : la CSSANAB (cotisation sociale de solidarité avec nos amis les bêtes) Deux ans après, comme la France a récupéré une partie du cheptel britannique, le système est déficitaire. Pour financer le déficit on lève un nouvel impôt sur la production du lait : le RAB (Remboursement de l'Ardoise Bovine). Les vaches se mettent en grève. Il n'y a plus de lait. Les français sont dans la rue : "DU LAIT ON VEUT DU LAIT" La France construit un laitoduc sous la manche pour s'approvisionner auprès des Anglais. L'Europe déclare le lait anglais impropre à la consommation. Le laitoduc ne servira jamais. On lève un nouvel impôt pour l'entretien du laitoduc.

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about| to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT!! SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"

Real stuff

Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
==========
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about error, non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
==========
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
==========
Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."
==========
Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it."
==========
Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."
==========
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
==========
Customer: "Now what do I do?"
Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"
Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"
==========
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
==========
Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word set-up disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No ."
==========
Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support: ?@#$?
==========
Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow, how can you see my screen from there?"
==========
Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer: "A white one."
==========
Customer: "I'm going to be using Windows NT. Should I get the Server or Workstation version?"
Tech Support: "Well, are you using it as a workstation or as a server?"
Customer: "A server. So, which one do I get?"
Tech Support: "The server version perhaps?"
Customer: "Which one is that?"
Tech Support: "Windows NT Server."
Customer: "Ok, thanks."
==========
Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"
==========
Customer: "I can't log in to my account."
Tech Support: "Ok, let's look at your configuration."
Customer: "Ok...but I know that my User ID is case sensitive."
Tech Support: "Yes it is. Ok, what does it say in the 'User ID' field?"
Customer: "Like I said, 'Case Sensitive'."
==========
Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."
==========
Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive
blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the
dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
completely nude."

With that she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come
on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up
and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her
clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I
don't know -- I thought you were watching."

MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

Postat de dara


This has got to be one of the funniest I've heard of in a long time.
I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.
This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired however, he is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause.
" This is the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee

Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power.......a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too f****** stupid to own a computer!"


--------------------

You'll never see the stars if you are always looking down.

Sent: Tuesday, November 25, 2003 1:33 PM
Subject: patriotic duty

From: Atty General John Ashcroft
To: All good Americans

Patriotic duty

We all know that it is a sin for a Taliban male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide if he does, so this Saturday, at 4:00 PM Eastern time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Taliban, and to demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women.
And since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment.
The American Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.
God bless America!
IT IS YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON!

Postat de yoyoman

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you'! ve delayed my trip." The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

Sper ca v-a placut!

Postat de siaab
A young couple were driving down the road one day, happily, deliriously
in love and due to be married the next day. Suddenly, a large truck
swerved from the oncoming lanes into their car! BOOM! And they both died.

At the Pearly Gates, the young couple confronted St. Peter. "Sir, you
have to help us! We were to be married tomorrow. Is there any way we can
be married in Heaven?"

"Hmmm," replied St. Peter, "I don't recall there ever being a marriage
in Heaven. Well, let's take it up with God and see what he says."

So they approached God with their plea. God sat for a moment, pondering
the request. Then he looked down and said, "Come back in five years and
ask me again."

Five years later, the couple approached God again, even more in love
than ever and pleading that he allow their marriage. God paused for
quite a while, musing over their request. Then he spoke, "Come back in
five years and ask me again."

And once again, five years later, the couple was again in the presence
of God, more in love than ever and begging God's permission for the
third time to marry. This time God smiled broadly and thundered, "Yes my
children, you may marry!"

Well, the wedding went off beautifully, the reception was huge, everyone
thought the bride was simply breathtaking and the groom was soooo
handsome, and everyone was happy! Until...

Two years later, the couple was back before God, and things were not
looking so good. The couple had come to the realization almost
immediately that although marriages were made in heaven, they didn't
last very long there! And, in spite of their struggles to come to terms
with the situation, they had decided there simply was no alternative but
to get a divorce.

Black clouds fractured by lightening rolled across the sky, and the
ground shook with explosive thunder. God glared down at the tiny couple
before him, his face becoming dark and angry, and he roared, "Divorce?!
Impossible!!! It took us TEN years just to find a priest in Heaven! Do
you have any idea how long it will take to find a LAWYER?!!"

An eighteen-year-old girl tells her mom that she has missed her period
for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a
pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.Shouting,
cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I
want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a
Stretch Limo stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man
with grey hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of
it and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the
mother and the girl, and tells them:
"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However,
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take
charge. If a girl is born I will give her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a
beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy
will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is
twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a
miscarriage..."
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him: " You'll fuck her again! "

Asta il pun in engleza nu pentru ca e cu copypaste de pe net, dar fiindca e singura limba in care are sens. Il scriu din memorie, asa ca imi cer scuze anticipat pentru eventualele inadvertente pe care le voi comite.

Somewhere in Ireland, a tourist enters an inn. Behind the bar, an old Irish-looking type, red beard et caetera. They start talking, and at one point the old man heavy-heartedly starts to tell his pains...
"You see this inn? Two-stories high, made out of the best wood available these parts, flowers at every window, a good roof, good cellar and all the stuff... Built it with me own two hands... Do they call me Peter-the-inn-builder? No...
"Go to the window, look outside. See that pier, stretching far out, into the sea? Built it with me own two hands... Carried every bloody rock on me own aching back... But do they call me Peter-the-pier-builder? No...
"See this bar? Black marble, shining, ten feet long by three feet wide... Brought the marble with me own little carriage, polished it with me own aching hands... Do they call me Peter-the-bar-maker? No...
"But ye fuck one goat...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the
pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of
keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said you may Pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and a huge frown
and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "They're Carols."

Banc postat de TRESTY

Sa ma bag si eu in seama si la bancuri... probabil ca acesta ar fi trebuit pus la cele in engleza... dar mie mi se pare prea bun (unul din cele mai bune pe care le-am citit vreodata) cu atat mai mult cu cat se zvoneste ca ar fi o faza reala

Real Story: A Cork Radio Station (in Ireland), 96 FM,
was running a competition to find contestants who could
come up with words that were not found in any English
Dictionary, yet could still be used in a sentence
that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to
Bali for a week.

The DJ, Neil, had many callers; the following two
standing out:

DJ: "96FM, what's your name?"
Caller: "Hi, me name's Dave."
DJ: "Dave, what is your word?"
Caller: "Goan...spelt G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an'."
DJ: "We are just checking that (pause) and you are
correct, Dave, 'goan' is certainly a word not found in
the English Dictionary. Now the next question, for a
trip for two to Bali, is: What sentence can you use that
word in that would make logical sense?"
Caller: "Goan fuck yourself!"

At this point, the DJ cut the caller short and announced
that there is no place for that sort of language on a
family show.

After many more unsuccessful calls, the DJ took the
following caller:

DJ: "96FM, what's your name?"
Caller: "Hi, me name's Jeff."
DJ: "Jeff, what is your word?"
Caller: "Smee...spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'."
DJ: "We are checking that (pause) and you are correct,
Jeff. 'Smee' is certainly a word not found in the
English Dictionary. Now the next question, for a trip
for two to Bali, is: What sentence can you use that word
in that would make logical sense?"
Caller: "Smee again! Goan fuck yourself!"

A letter from grandma

Dear kids,

I am very happy in the new residence you have put me in. This week we actually got to go outside for an hour.

I haven't been feeling very good - the friend I shared a room with died yesterday. I am coping pretty well with my sorrows.

It's been six months since you've visited me last, I guess you're all pretty busy. It's OK, I've learned to use the internet to pass the time. And the computer in the recreation room has a pretty decent webcam. So you can remember what I look like, I have attached a recent picture of myself.

You all take care, and write to me soon.

With all of my heart,

Love, Grandma






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Grandma:

English Grammar ( do you understand?)

occdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer
in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht
frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do
not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Asta de lene nu-l traduc.

There's the exercise program I am using to stay in shape this year. You
might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become
more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.

ALWAYS CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE STARTING ANY EXERCISE PROGRAM

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NOW SCROLL UP...


That's enough for the first day

DON'T FART IN BED

If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she

rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter?

He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

I swear to God, this is my neighbor! It went on for months, every morning, and then all of a sudden it stopped!

Hey, le tragea el tare sau izolatia fonica lasa de dorit ???? )))

Suntem atat de off-topic... dar nu pot sa nu lamuresc. E un vecin (nu stiu cine anume) dintr-o casa alaturata. Impartim o curte interioara de cativa metri - am 3 geamuri care dau in curtea interioara. Asa ca... ce izolatie?!

The miracle of toilet paper


Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror,
complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband
uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want
your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper
and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
"How long will this take?" she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years.", he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper
between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over
the years?"

Without missing a beat the husband says "Worked for your butt;
didn't it?"

He lived, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again.

Subject: International Health Study...

A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.

( On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also
suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

© The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.

(D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also
suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

(E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking
English that kills you.

Euro-English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will
be the official language of the European Union rather than German,
which is
the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's
Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as
"Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of
the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less

letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words
like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible .
Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of
the
silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with
"z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining

"ou" and After ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer
vil
be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand
ech
oza.

Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were
sitting by the side of the ocean.

It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, let's play
Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and its the
perfect time," Huan Cho begged.

"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."

Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and both sang..... (scroll down)






























Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
and a happy New Year."

Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for
lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a
note, "take only one, God is watching."
Moving through the line, at the other end of the table was a large pile
of chocolate chip cookies. A boy wrote a note, "take all you want, God is
watching the apples.

PUNS INTENDED

How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path.

How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall?
Dam!

What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too long?
Polaroids

What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't Work?
A Stick.

What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.

What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

What Is The Difference Between A Harley And A Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
3- Half the people you know are below average.
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel great.
7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
9- All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19- I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film.

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot
on their foreheads. We have naively thought it had
something to do with their religion.
The true story has just been revealed by the Indian
Embassy in Washington. When one of these women
gets married, on her wedding night, the husband
scratches off the red spot to see if he has won a
convenience store, a gas station, or a motel in the
United States.

Who's In Charge?

All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because
I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".
"I should be in charge" said the blood, "because I
circulate oxygen all over, so without me you'd
all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach,
"because I process food, "I should be in charge" said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge" said the eyes, "because I
allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because
I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache,the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery and the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of thestory?
You don't have to be important to be in
charge...Just an asshole.

- Marco, ieri sera ho visto tua moglie.. sembrava un cane da caccia...
- Perche?! Si aveva messo la peliccia ?
- No; aveva un ucello in bocca !!

Jesus was getting more and more annoyed at the drugs problem on earth.

He called an emergency meeting with his apostles and after a few hours, they all decided that they needed more information. So the apostles volunteered to go on earth and to bring back samples of each drug.
After a few days, the apostles start coming back.
- Who's there?
- It's Paul
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Paul?
- Hashish from Morocco.
- Excellent, come in.
- Who's there?
- It's Mark
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Marc?
- Marijuana from Columbia.
- Excellent, come in.
- Who's there?
- It's Matthew
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Matthew?
- Cocaine from Columbia.
- Excellent, come in.
- Who's there?
- It's John
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, John?
- Ecstasy from Montreal.
- Excellent, come in.
- Who's there?
- It's Luke
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Luke?
- Speed from Amsterdam.
- Excellent, come in.
- Who's there?
- It's Judas
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Judas?
- FBI!!! Everyone against the wall!

AdriaN veeeeeeeery funny!

Am si eu un haioasa rau

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student at St. Alphonsus Elementary School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary
Margaret, who created the universe?" When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class. A little
later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But she didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, little Johnny came ! to the rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the Nun once again said "Very good", and Mary
Margaret fell back asleep. The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after
she had her twenty-third child?" Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!!!"

Un uomo si scontra con una donna nella hall di un hotel e nell'urto finisce col gomito nel suo seno. Entrambi sono molto imbarazzati. L'uomo cerca di scusarsi e dice: "Signora, se il vostro cuore è morbido come il vostro seno, spero mi perdonerete". Al che la signora risponde: "Signore, se il vostro uccello è duro quanto il vostro gomito, mi trovate nella camera 221".

bwhahahahaha

Banc trimis de MikeEL:

Un tipo entra in una ferramenta tutto vestito per bene, pettinatissimo, scarpe lucidate e un mazzo di fiori in mano.
"Salve sono venuto per quell'annuncio..." fa al commesso ammiccando.
"Scusi quale annuncio?" il commesso perplesso.
"Ma si, su che ci siamo capiti, quell'annuncio...particolare...." ammiccando.
"Guardi che non ho capito.."
Il tipo compiaciuto tira fuori il giornale dalla tasca:
"questo annuncio! CHIAVI A PARTIRE DA 2 EURO!"


ps: sa-l traduc ??

Cu dedicatie pentru Cain, de care mi-e tare dor.

HOMELESS
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a
particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a
couple of dollars for dinner .

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I
give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything
I can get just to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of
food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in
20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district
instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?!!" exclaimed the
homeless man

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money.
Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked
by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded.
"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm
dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man
looks like who's given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex!

The husband had finished his book, "Man Of The House", by the time he reached home. He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife, pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!"

"You are to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The fucking funeral director," said his wife

And this is for the guys

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for
your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner,
shows and
any other baubles that women find romantic.

A little secret...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's
no special
holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their
life.
Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.; March 20th is now
officially
"Steak & Blowjob Day."

Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created
so
your ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him.
No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town-the name of the
holiday explains it all...just a steak and a BJ. That's it. This twin
pairing of
Valentine's Day and Steak & Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love
as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more
memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine.

The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a
little
push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love
and peace to this crazy world.

Primite in mail de la un amic:

1) 4 miracles of a woman:
getting wet without taking a shower
bleeding without getting hurt
giving milk without eating grass
and making boneless flesh hard.

(2) A man bumps into a woman and says "So sorry ma'am.
If your heart is as soft as your breasts, you will
forgive me " The lady replies: "If your dick is as
hard as your elbow, am in room 603"

(3) Q : How do the Talibans seduce their women?
A : First they attack their twin towers, then they
crash into their pentagon.

(4) Girls reaction to penis sizes:
# 9" - oh shit pain!
# 7" - oh yes, yum!
# 6" - oh perfect!
# 5" - mmm ok!
# 4" - push more
# 3" - is it in?
# 2" - idiot! Just use your tongue.

(5) Ever wondered why ABCDEF are used to define bra
sizes?
A - Airport (flat)
B - Barely there
C - Can do
D - Damn good
E - Enormous
F - Fake

(6) During pregnancy:
The 1st three month s, do it the normal style.
Next three months do it the doggy style
And the last three months do it the wolf style. Sit
outside the hole and howl.

(7) Latest statistics on 'what men do after SEX???
2% eat
3% smoke cigarettes
4% take a shower
5% go to sleep
86% get up and go back home to their wife.
HOW TRUE!!!

(8) What did Newton's dick say to him after seeing a
nude woman?
"Fuck you and your law of gravity, I'm going UP."

(9) Man was sobbing in a bar. His friend asked 'why?'
He said: "my wife makes me pay $ 100/- for every
Fuck!"
Friend said: "you're lucky, she charges others $
250/-"

(1O) Lady scolds her maid for inefficiency. Angry maid
says, " at least I am better than you in bed."
Lady (amazed): ?Did boss tell you this?"
Maid: "No, the driver did."

(11) What is the difference between a new husband and
a new dog?
" After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."

(12) A wife complains to the doctor that her hubby is
300% impotent.
The doc asks "how 300%?" She says: "you know about the
100%, and now he
has broken his finger and burnt his tongue."

(13) Teacher: "why buffaloes get depressed after
milking?
Student: "Ma'am, if your boobs are rubbed for 2 hours
& then you are left unfucked how would feel?

(14) Policeman arrested a prostitute.
Prostitute: "I'm not selling sex!
Policeman: "Then what are you doing?"
Prostitute: "I'm selling condoms and offering free
demo.

(15) A female reporter was interviewing a farmer
regarding mad cow disease.
Reporter: Sir, would you like to comment about the mad
cow disease?
Farmer: Lady, do you know that bulls and cows only
have sex once a year?
Reporter: Sir, I respect your comment but we are
talking about mad cows disease.
Farmer: Lady, and do you know that we squeeze cow's
breast six times a day.
Reporter: Sir, but what is it got to do with mad cows
disease.
Farmer: If your boyfriend squeeze your breast six
times a day, but only have SEX once in a year - WILL
YOU BE MAD?

Cateva sunt chiar haioase

A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn't in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she asks. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes, I do," she replies. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that, too," she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today."

Asta e mai in gluma, mai in serios:

People over 35 should be dead.

Here's why ............

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, or even maybe the early 70's probably shouldn't have survived.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based
paint.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets,... and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)

As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors!

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.

After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.

NO CELL PHONES!!!!!

Unthinkable!

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround
sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet
chat rooms.

We had friends! We went outside and found them.

We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.

We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

They were accidents.

No one was to blame but us.

Remember accidents?

We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.

Those who didn't had to
learn to deal with disappointment.

Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade. Horrors!

Tests were not adjusted for any reason.
Our actions were our own.
Consequences were expected.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of.

They actually sided with the law. Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of
innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And you're one of them!
Congratulations!

Please pass this on to others
who have had the luck to grow
up as kids, before lawyers
and government regulated our
lives, for our own good !!!!!


People under 30 are WIMPS

Well, NOT IN ROMANIA THEY AREN'T!!!

> > > > Alma returned from a doctor's visit one day
> and
> > > told
> > > > her husband that
> > > > the doctor said she only had 24 hours to live.
>
> > > > Wiping away her tears, she asked him to make
> > love
> > > > with her. Of course he
> > > > agreed and they made passionate love.
> > > >
> > > > Six hours later, Alma went to him again, and
> > said,
> > > > "Honey, now I only
> > > > have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could
> make
> > > love
> > > > again?" Paul agrees
> > > > and again they make love.
> > > >
> > > > Later, Alma is getting into bed when she
> > realized
> > > > she now had only eight
> > > > hours of life left. She touched Paul's
> shoulder
> > > and
> > > > said, "Honey?
> > > > Please? Just one more time before I die." He
> > > agreed,
> > > > than afterward he
> > > > rolled over and fell asleep.
> > > >
> > > > Alma, however, heard the clock ticking in her
> > > head,
> > > > and she tossed and,
> > > > turned until she was down to only four more
> > hours.
> > > > She tapped her
> > > > husband on the shoulder to wake him up.
> "Honey,
> > I
> > > > only have four hours
> > > > left! Could we...?"
> > > >
> > > > Her husband sat up abruptly, turned to her and
> > > said:
> > > > "Listen Alma, I
> > > > have to get up in the morning! You don't."

Employee: "I'm sorry but I can't come in today. My doctor says I suffer from Anal Glaucoma."
Boss: "Anal Glaucoma? What's that?"
Employee: "I just can't see my ass coming to work!"

asta e mai lung, da' e fain(ma rog, pt motociclisti)

God was concerned.

Even immortals age, and Jesus, by the end of the twentieth century, was into his late teens. As an only child, with no mother figure to speak of, it was difficult. He'd spent the entire Industrial Revolution in his bedroom listening to awful music, and the cherubim and seraphim were complaining that it was destroying the whole Heavenly ambience. He'd even attempted to paint his bedroom black, but the Heavenly Light that suffused the place had soon bleached it a sort of fiftieth wash of cheap jeans look. That had caused a fair few ructions, as well. He didn't even want to go burying dinosaur fossils to confuse the fundamentalists anymore.

God sighed and returned to trying to get his Harley Davidson ™ to start. He didn't really like bikes, but at his age, it was either that or a fling with Aphrodite. St. Barnabus in PR said it would bring his image more up to date, more 'with-it'. The beard looked quite good, though. Perhaps, with Jesus now old enough to ride, he'd be interested in joining His Father on some rides? It would be something, at least...

God knocked on Jesus' door. 'Whaayawant?' came the grunted reply, the surliness only slightly broken by the voice warbling from E below C to G two octaves up in the space of those syllables. God sighed and opened the door, noting that Jesus quickly hid the picture of Mary Magdalene he had been examining closely under his pillow.

God sat on Jesus' bed, and the duvet creaked slightly. Jesus glowered at His Father, outraged by this intrusion.

"Now, Son, I know that it hasn't been easy for you lately, what with all those dingbats on Earth wearing those crucifixes and everything, but you really should get out more. Come out here, I have something I wish to show you."

With a grunt, Jesus followed his father out to the porch, and standing there was a brand spanking new Harley-Davidson ™ Ultra Wide Fat Boy Soft Electra Glide Sport ™, it's chrome reflecting the Light of Heaven in all directions.

Jesus grunted again, and spoke the longest sentence that God had heard him say since The Renaissance; "What a pile of shit. It's dull, it's such a cliche..." With that, he returned to His room.

God sighed and returned to coming up with new ways of annoying the humans.

Jesus, however, was thinking. The bike had given him an idea. With his own transport, he could get away from here for a while... maybe even that cute little angel over in the Lost Souls department would agree to come watch the Son et Lumiere with him... but he couldn't do something his father would agree with, though. The Old Man was so... so... so... here his train of thought was derailed by an epiphany.

Why not use Dad's own plan against him? Get a bike, but make it as far opposite as possible from Dad's Harley...

He began thinking. It would need to be uncomfortable, for a start. The kind of thing you could only ride if you were still young and supple, before lower-back problems and baldness set in. Instantly, a high, sculpted seat unit and fuel tank appeared, as well as swept-back, low handlebars and high, rear-set footpegs.

Now, it would need a tiny engine, designed to idle at speeds that a Harley would self-destruct at. A 125 cc engine appeared under the tank.

Now, the noise... it would need to set Satan's own teeth on edge. An expansion chamber snaked out and under the engine, and ended in a tiny carbon-fibre silencer.

Handling... well, it had to be absolutely perfect. Nothing else could possibly do to show up Dad's old bone-shaker. Instantly, a sculpted, asymmetrical swingarm appeared, gripping a wide, low-profile Dunlop. At the front, upside-down forks and another Dunlop. Connecting the two was an aluminium frame so beautiful that even Jesus' own breath was taken away.

The finishing touches now... a fairing, complete with huge air outlets and headlights that glowed with the Light of Heaven.

Jesus swung his leg over the Bike. He touched the starter button, and it rasped into life. He roared out of his room, a crash-helmet with dark visor on His head.

The Aprilia RS125R Extrema was born...

what dodi al fayed said arriving to the pearl gates?

I was suppose to f**k Di in that car, not to die in the f**king car

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"

"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few.

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

D-ne da sa nu vad TRi.. gluma asta...

A drunk staggers (merge clatininduse) into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth,
sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his
attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three
times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin; there's no paper on this side
either."