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> Bancuri Netraduse, ..adica in Engleza
Mistinguett
mesaj 24 Dec 2003, 11:00 AM
Mesaj #71


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Suntem atat de off-topic... dar nu pot sa nu lamuresc. E un vecin (nu stiu cine anume) dintr-o casa alaturata. Impartim o curte interioara de cativa metri - am 3 geamuri care dau in curtea interioara. Asa ca... ce izolatie?! rofl.gif


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Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
"An eye for an eye makes a blind world" - Ghandi
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LigiaB
mesaj 5 Jan 2004, 12:15 AM
Mesaj #72


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The miracle of toilet paper


Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror,
complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband
uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want
your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper
and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
"How long will this take?" she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years.", he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper
between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over
the years?"

Without missing a beat the husband says "Worked for your butt;
didn't it?"

He lived, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again. rofl.gif



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LigiaB
mesaj 5 Jan 2004, 12:24 AM
Mesaj #73


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Subject: International Health Study...

A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.

(cool.gif On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also
suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

© The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.

(D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also
suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

(E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking
English that kills you.


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Promo Contextual
mesaj 5 Jan 2004, 12:24 AM
Mesaj #


ContextuALL









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LigiaB
mesaj 5 Jan 2004, 12:29 AM
Mesaj #74


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Euro-English wink.gif

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will
be the official language of the European Union rather than German,
which is
the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's
Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as
"Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of
the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less

letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words
like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible .
Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of
the
silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with
"z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining

"ou" and After ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer
vil
be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand
ech
oza.

Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. rolleyes.gif


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AdriaN
mesaj 5 Jan 2004, 03:18 PM
Mesaj #75


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One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were
sitting by the side of the ocean.

It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, let's play
Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and its the
perfect time," Huan Cho begged.

"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."

Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and both sang..... (scroll down)






























Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
and a happy New Year."
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LigiaB
mesaj 7 Jan 2004, 08:07 AM
Mesaj #76


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Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for
lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a
note, "take only one, God is watching."
Moving through the line, at the other end of the table was a large pile
of chocolate chip cookies. A boy wrote a note, "take all you want, God is
watching the apples. laugh.gif laugh.gif





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LigiaB
mesaj 7 Jan 2004, 08:13 AM
Mesaj #77


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PUNS INTENDED laugh.gif rofl.gif laugh.gif

How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path.

How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall?
Dam!

What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too long?
Polaroids

What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't Work?
A Stick.

What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.

What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

What Is The Difference Between A Harley And A Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.



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Ares
mesaj 8 Jan 2004, 05:05 PM
Mesaj #78


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1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
3- Half the people you know are below average.
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel great.
7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
9- All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19- I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film.



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Atat de multe carti si atat de putin timp... Vizitati "Pagina Cronicarului".
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Mistinguett
mesaj 9 Jan 2004, 02:51 AM
Mesaj #79


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For centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot
on their foreheads. We have naively thought it had
something to do with their religion.
The true story has just been revealed by the Indian
Embassy in Washington. When one of these women
gets married, on her wedding night, the husband
scratches off the red spot to see if he has won a
convenience store, a gas station, or a motel in the
United States.


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Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
"An eye for an eye makes a blind world" - Ghandi
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LigiaB
mesaj 10 Jan 2004, 10:44 PM
Mesaj #80


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Who's In Charge?

All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because
I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".
"I should be in charge" said the blood, "because I
circulate oxygen all over, so without me you'd
all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach,
"because I process food, "I should be in charge" said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge" said the eyes, "because I
allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because
I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache,the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery and the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of thestory?
You don't have to be important to be in
charge...Just an asshole. rofl.gif


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MikeEL
mesaj 12 Jan 2004, 05:50 AM
Mesaj #81


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- Marco, ieri sera ho visto tua moglie.. sembrava un cane da caccia...
- Perche?! Si aveva messo la peliccia ?
- No; aveva un ucello in bocca !!

rofl.gif rofl.gif rofl.gif rofl.gif rofl.gif
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AdriaN
mesaj 16 Jan 2004, 10:02 AM
Mesaj #82


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Jesus was getting more and more annoyed at the drugs problem on earth.

He called an emergency meeting with his apostles and after a few hours, they all decided that they needed more information. So the apostles volunteered to go on earth and to bring back samples of each drug.
After a few days, the apostles start coming back.
- Who's there?
- It's Paul
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Paul?
- Hashish from Morocco.
- Excellent, come in.
- Who's there?
- It's Mark
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Marc?
- Marijuana from Columbia.
- Excellent, come in.
- Who's there?
- It's Matthew
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Matthew?
- Cocaine from Columbia.
- Excellent, come in.
- Who's there?
- It's John
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, John?
- Ecstasy from Montreal.
- Excellent, come in.
- Who's there?
- It's Luke
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Luke?
- Speed from Amsterdam.
- Excellent, come in.
- Who's there?
- It's Judas
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Judas?
- FBI!!! Everyone against the wall!

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LigiaB
mesaj 19 Jan 2004, 07:49 PM
Mesaj #83


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AdriaN veeeeeeeery funny! rofl.gif

Am si eu un haioasa rau rofl.gif

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student at St. Alphonsus Elementary School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary
Margaret, who created the universe?" When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class. A little
later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But she didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, little Johnny came ! to the rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the Nun once again said "Very good", and Mary
Margaret fell back asleep. The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after
she had her twenty-third child?" Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!!!"


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MikeEL
mesaj 20 Jan 2004, 04:42 AM
Mesaj #84


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Un uomo si scontra con una donna nella hall di un hotel e nell'urto finisce col gomito nel suo seno. Entrambi sono molto imbarazzati. L'uomo cerca di scusarsi e dice: "Signora, se il vostro cuore morbido come il vostro seno, spero mi perdonerete". Al che la signora risponde: "Signore, se il vostro uccello duro quanto il vostro gomito, mi trovate nella camera 221".

rofl.gif rofl.gif bwhahahahaha rofl.gif rofl.gif rofl.gif
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Mihai
mesaj 20 Jan 2004, 03:39 PM
Mesaj #85


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Banc trimis de MikeEL:

QUOTE
10 REGOLE PER VIVERE BENE
cu accent lazial (dialect roman - de la Roma)

1. Dormi pi che poi (chi dorme non pia pesce ma quanno se sveglia pia quello che hanno pescato l'artri.)
2. Fermati spesso (chi si ferma perduto e, a esempio pi difficile ritrovallo - si quarcuno per caso o dovesse cerc)
3. Cambia spesso abitudini, senn te cambiano loro - gioca d'anticipo (chi lascia la strada vecchia pe la nova, si nova, a esempio nun ce s e buche)
4. Onora, rispetta madre, padre e, parenti, se e solo se ch'hai un credito c loro.
5. Lavora sempre un p meno della tua soglia minima de sopportazione; o ricordate de abbass ciclicamente i livelli di detta soglia.
6. Nun te incazz coi deboli, nun te incazz coi forti, NUN TE INCAZZA' PROPRIO. Se proprio te devi incazz fallo un giorno prima de le ferie, e ricorda, i deboli fanno finta, domani saranno forti, quindi menaie subito, nu li f cresce.
7. L'erba der vicino sempre sua, fumatela subito senn quer fesso der vicino a taia o ce mette le statue dei sette nani.
8. Non tutti i mali vengono per nuocere, quindi tutte e vorte che hai fatto male a quarcuno, nun te sembra, ma gliai fatto bene, perci nun te st a preoccup, che te frega.
9. Aiutati che tanto nun te aiuta nessuno, ricorda infatti che Dio onnipresente, quinni se voleva te aiutava prima.
10. Nun scai mai la prima pietra si nun sei sicuro da piallo BENE. Se no meio che te la conservi pe dopo.


spoton.gif rofl.gif


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MikeEL
mesaj 21 Jan 2004, 05:59 AM
Mesaj #86


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Un tipo entra in una ferramenta tutto vestito per bene, pettinatissimo, scarpe lucidate e un mazzo di fiori in mano.
"Salve sono venuto per quell'annuncio..." fa al commesso ammiccando.
"Scusi quale annuncio?" il commesso perplesso.
"Ma si, su che ci siamo capiti, quell'annuncio...particolare...." ammiccando.
"Guardi che non ho capito.."
Il tipo compiaciuto tira fuori il giornale dalla tasca:
"questo annuncio! CHIAVI A PARTIRE DA 2 EURO!"
rofl.gif rofl.gif rofl.gif rofl.gif rofl.gif

ps: sa-l traduc ??
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Mistinguett
mesaj 23 Jan 2004, 07:53 AM
Mesaj #87


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Cu dedicatie pentru Cain, de care mi-e tare dor.

HOMELESS
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a
particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a
couple of dollars for dinner .

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I
give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything
I can get just to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of
food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in
20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district
instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?!!" exclaimed the
homeless man

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money.
Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked
by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded.
"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm
dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man
looks like who's given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex!


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Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
"An eye for an eye makes a blind world" - Ghandi
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Mistinguett
mesaj 14 Feb 2004, 06:16 AM
Mesaj #88


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The husband had finished his book, "Man Of The House", by the time he reached home. He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife, pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!"

"You are to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The fucking funeral director," said his wife


--------------------
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
"An eye for an eye makes a blind world" - Ghandi
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Mistinguett
mesaj 14 Feb 2004, 06:27 AM
Mesaj #89


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And this is for the guys wub.gif

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for
your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner,
shows and
any other baubles that women find romantic.

A little secret...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's
no special
holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their
life.
Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.; March 20th is now
officially
"Steak & Blowjob Day."

Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created
so
your ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him.
No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town-the name of the
holiday explains it all...just a steak and a BJ. That's it. This twin
pairing of
Valentine's Day and Steak & Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love
as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more
memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine.

The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a
little
push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love
and peace to this crazy world.


--------------------
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
"An eye for an eye makes a blind world" - Ghandi
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(Afrodita)
mesaj 14 Feb 2004, 09:51 AM
Mesaj #90





Guests






Primite in mail de la un amic:

1) 4 miracles of a woman:
getting wet without taking a shower
bleeding without getting hurt
giving milk without eating grass
and making boneless flesh hard.

(2) A man bumps into a woman and says "So sorry ma'am.
If your heart is as soft as your breasts, you will
forgive me " The lady replies: "If your dick is as
hard as your elbow, am in room 603"

(3) Q : How do the Talibans seduce their women?
A : First they attack their twin towers, then they
crash into their pentagon.

(4) Girls reaction to penis sizes:
# 9" - oh shit pain!
# 7" - oh yes, yum!
# 6" - oh perfect!
# 5" - mmm ok!
# 4" - push more
# 3" - is it in?
# 2" - idiot! Just use your tongue.

(5) Ever wondered why ABCDEF are used to define bra
sizes?
A - Airport (flat)
B - Barely there
C - Can do
D - Damn good
E - Enormous
F - Fake

(6) During pregnancy:
The 1st three month s, do it the normal style.
Next three months do it the doggy style
And the last three months do it the wolf style. Sit
outside the hole and howl.

(7) Latest statistics on 'what men do after SEX???
2% eat
3% smoke cigarettes
4% take a shower
5% go to sleep
86% get up and go back home to their wife.
HOW TRUE!!!

(8) What did Newton's dick say to him after seeing a
nude woman?
"Fuck you and your law of gravity, I'm going UP."

(9) Man was sobbing in a bar. His friend asked 'why?'
He said: "my wife makes me pay $ 100/- for every
Fuck!"
Friend said: "you're lucky, she charges others $
250/-"

(1O) Lady scolds her maid for inefficiency. Angry maid
says, " at least I am better than you in bed."
Lady (amazed): ?Did boss tell you this?"
Maid: "No, the driver did."

(11) What is the difference between a new husband and
a new dog?
" After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."

(12) A wife complains to the doctor that her hubby is
300% impotent.
The doc asks "how 300%?" She says: "you know about the
100%, and now he
has broken his finger and burnt his tongue."

(13) Teacher: "why buffaloes get depressed after
milking?
Student: "Ma'am, if your boobs are rubbed for 2 hours
& then you are left unfucked how would feel?

(14) Policeman arrested a prostitute.
Prostitute: "I'm not selling sex!
Policeman: "Then what are you doing?"
Prostitute: "I'm selling condoms and offering free
demo.

(15) A female reporter was interviewing a farmer
regarding mad cow disease.
Reporter: Sir, would you like to comment about the mad
cow disease?
Farmer: Lady, do you know that bulls and cows only
have sex once a year?
Reporter: Sir, I respect your comment but we are
talking about mad cows disease.
Farmer: Lady, and do you know that we squeeze cow's
breast six times a day.
Reporter: Sir, but what is it got to do with mad cows
disease.
Farmer: If your boyfriend squeeze your breast six
times a day, but only have SEX once in a year - WILL
YOU BE MAD?

Cateva sunt chiar haioase rofl.gif rofl.gif
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axel
mesaj 26 Feb 2004, 04:54 AM
Mesaj #91


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A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn't in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she asks. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes, I do," she replies. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that, too," she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today."


--------------------
Azi avem.

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(Afrodita)
mesaj 26 Feb 2004, 04:56 AM
Mesaj #92





Guests






rofl.gif rofl.gif rofl.gif rofl.gif rofl.gif
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Mistinguett
mesaj 26 Feb 2004, 10:06 AM
Mesaj #93


Cea Mai Impaciuitoare Forumista din 2003
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Asta e mai in gluma, mai in serios:

People over 35 should be dead.

Here's why ............

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, or even maybe the early 70's probably shouldn't have survived.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based
paint.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets,... and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)

As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors!

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.

After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.

NO CELL PHONES!!!!!

Unthinkable!

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround
sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet
chat rooms.

We had friends! We went outside and found them.

We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.

We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

They were accidents.

No one was to blame but us.

Remember accidents?

We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.

Those who didn't had to
learn to deal with disappointment.

Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade. Horrors!

Tests were not adjusted for any reason.
Our actions were our own.
Consequences were expected.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of.

They actually sided with the law. Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of
innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And you're one of them!
Congratulations!

Please pass this on to others
who have had the luck to grow
up as kids, before lawyers
and government regulated our
lives, for our own good !!!!!


People under 30 are WIMPS


--------------------
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
"An eye for an eye makes a blind world" - Ghandi
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E.B.E.
mesaj 26 Feb 2004, 12:52 PM
Mesaj #94


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Well, NOT IN ROMANIA THEY AREN'T!!!


--------------------

I spend my time thinking of Angel... praying she ain't thinking of me...

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alien
mesaj 1 Mar 2004, 03:31 PM
Mesaj #95


Vataf
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> > > > Alma returned from a doctor's visit one day
> and
> > > told
> > > > her husband that
> > > > the doctor said she only had 24 hours to live.
>
> > > > Wiping away her tears, she asked him to make
> > love
> > > > with her. Of course he
> > > > agreed and they made passionate love.
> > > >
> > > > Six hours later, Alma went to him again, and
> > said,
> > > > "Honey, now I only
> > > > have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could
> make
> > > love
> > > > again?" Paul agrees
> > > > and again they make love.
> > > >
> > > > Later, Alma is getting into bed when she
> > realized
> > > > she now had only eight
> > > > hours of life left. She touched Paul's
> shoulder
> > > and
> > > > said, "Honey?
> > > > Please? Just one more time before I die." He
> > > agreed,
> > > > than afterward he
> > > > rolled over and fell asleep.
> > > >
> > > > Alma, however, heard the clock ticking in her
> > > head,
> > > > and she tossed and,
> > > > turned until she was down to only four more
> > hours.
> > > > She tapped her
> > > > husband on the shoulder to wake him up.
> "Honey,
> > I
> > > > only have four hours
> > > > left! Could we...?"
> > > >
> > > > Her husband sat up abruptly, turned to her and
> > > said:
> > > > "Listen Alma, I
> > > > have to get up in the morning! You don't."


--------------------
"Imagination is more important than knowledge" A. Einstein
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Ares
mesaj 5 Mar 2004, 09:55 PM
Mesaj #96


Dregator
*****

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Employee: "I'm sorry but I can't come in today. My doctor says I suffer from Anal Glaucoma."
Boss: "Anal Glaucoma? What's that?"
Employee: "I just can't see my ass coming to work!"


--------------------
Atat de multe carti si atat de putin timp... Vizitati "Pagina Cronicarului".
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Antont
mesaj 16 Mar 2004, 07:06 PM
Mesaj #97


Care este
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asta e mai lung, da' e fain(ma rog, pt motociclisti) rofl.gif

God was concerned.

Even immortals age, and Jesus, by the end of the twentieth century, was into his late teens. As an only child, with no mother figure to speak of, it was difficult. He'd spent the entire Industrial Revolution in his bedroom listening to awful music, and the cherubim and seraphim were complaining that it was destroying the whole Heavenly ambience. He'd even attempted to paint his bedroom black, but the Heavenly Light that suffused the place had soon bleached it a sort of fiftieth wash of cheap jeans look. That had caused a fair few ructions, as well. He didn't even want to go burying dinosaur fossils to confuse the fundamentalists anymore.

God sighed and returned to trying to get his Harley Davidson to start. He didn't really like bikes, but at his age, it was either that or a fling with Aphrodite. St. Barnabus in PR said it would bring his image more up to date, more 'with-it'. The beard looked quite good, though. Perhaps, with Jesus now old enough to ride, he'd be interested in joining His Father on some rides? It would be something, at least...

God knocked on Jesus' door. 'Whaayawant?' came the grunted reply, the surliness only slightly broken by the voice warbling from E below C to G two octaves up in the space of those syllables. God sighed and opened the door, noting that Jesus quickly hid the picture of Mary Magdalene he had been examining closely under his pillow.

God sat on Jesus' bed, and the duvet creaked slightly. Jesus glowered at His Father, outraged by this intrusion.

"Now, Son, I know that it hasn't been easy for you lately, what with all those dingbats on Earth wearing those crucifixes and everything, but you really should get out more. Come out here, I have something I wish to show you."

With a grunt, Jesus followed his father out to the porch, and standing there was a brand spanking new Harley-Davidson Ultra Wide Fat Boy Soft Electra Glide Sport , it's chrome reflecting the Light of Heaven in all directions.

Jesus grunted again, and spoke the longest sentence that God had heard him say since The Renaissance; "What a pile of shit. It's dull, it's such a cliche..." With that, he returned to His room.

God sighed and returned to coming up with new ways of annoying the humans.

Jesus, however, was thinking. The bike had given him an idea. With his own transport, he could get away from here for a while... maybe even that cute little angel over in the Lost Souls department would agree to come watch the Son et Lumiere with him... but he couldn't do something his father would agree with, though. The Old Man was so... so... so... here his train of thought was derailed by an epiphany.

Why not use Dad's own plan against him? Get a bike, but make it as far opposite as possible from Dad's Harley...

He began thinking. It would need to be uncomfortable, for a start. The kind of thing you could only ride if you were still young and supple, before lower-back problems and baldness set in. Instantly, a high, sculpted seat unit and fuel tank appeared, as well as swept-back, low handlebars and high, rear-set footpegs.

Now, it would need a tiny engine, designed to idle at speeds that a Harley would self-destruct at. A 125 cc engine appeared under the tank.

Now, the noise... it would need to set Satan's own teeth on edge. An expansion chamber snaked out and under the engine, and ended in a tiny carbon-fibre silencer.

Handling... well, it had to be absolutely perfect. Nothing else could possibly do to show up Dad's old bone-shaker. Instantly, a sculpted, asymmetrical swingarm appeared, gripping a wide, low-profile Dunlop. At the front, upside-down forks and another Dunlop. Connecting the two was an aluminium frame so beautiful that even Jesus' own breath was taken away.

The finishing touches now... a fairing, complete with huge air outlets and headlights that glowed with the Light of Heaven.

Jesus swung his leg over the Bike. He touched the starter button, and it rasped into life. He roared out of his room, a crash-helmet with dark visor on His head.

The Aprilia RS125R Extrema was born...

biggrin.gif spoton.gif

Acest topic a fost editat de Ghost: 16 Mar 2004, 07:07 PM
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mutulica
mesaj 16 Mar 2004, 11:30 PM
Mesaj #98


piticanie oPsedata
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what dodi al fayed said arriving to the pearl gates?

I was suppose to f**k Di in that car, not to die in the f**king car


--------------------
Viitorul tau depinde de visele tale. In consecinta nu pierde timpul, du-te si te culca.
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pufuletz
mesaj 17 Mar 2004, 12:36 PM
Mesaj #99


Haiduc
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A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"

"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few.

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."


--------------------
"Este mai bine sa fii pregatit pentru o ocazie pe care nu o vei avea decit sa ai o ocazie si sa nu fii pregatit"
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LigiaB
mesaj 20 Mar 2004, 09:46 AM
Mesaj #100


Domnitor
******

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D-ne da sa nu vad TRi.. gluma asta... laugh.gif rofl.gif

A drunk staggers (merge clatininduse) into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth,
sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his
attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three
times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin; there's no paper on this side
either."




--------------------
Prayer is the bridge between panic and peace.
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March
mesaj 20 Mar 2004, 12:18 PM
Mesaj #101


Domnitor
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Am sosit cam tarziu aici, asa ca scuze daca au mai fost postate :

***

THE BOSS ASKED FOR A LETTER DESCRIBING BOB SMITH :

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle . Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees,and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
measures to complete his work,sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.
Sd/-
Project Leader

A MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE LETTER :

Bob the idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today.Kindly read only the odd numbered
lines ( 1,3,5,..etc.) for my true assesment of him.

***

THE HAPPY COUPLE

There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the creazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of having sex she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a... cucumber.
She gets completely upset. "You impotent bastard ", she screamed at him , " how could you be lying to me all these years. You better explain yourself ! ' The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly , " I'll explain the cucumber if you explain our three kids."

***

TWO OLD LADIES...

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over the cigarette, and continued smoking.
Her friend said : " What's that ? "
The first lady replied : " A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. "
" Where did you get it ?"
"You can get them at any drugstore."
The next day, the friend hobbled herself into the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted a package of condoms.
The guy looked at her kind of strangely ( she was , after all, over 80 years old !), but politely asked what brands she preferred.
She replied : " It doesn't matter as long as it fits the Camel. "
The pharmacist fainted.

***


--------------------
Un prost gaseste intodeauna unul mai prost , care sa-l admire

Nicolas Boileau


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March
mesaj 30 Mar 2004, 04:40 PM
Mesaj #102


Domnitor
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An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, Whats wrong? The old man looks at the bartender through
teary eyes and between sobs says, I married a beautiful woman two days ago. Shes a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,
Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?
The old man looks at the bartender and says, I cant remember where I live!

Acest topic a fost editat de March: 30 Mar 2004, 04:42 PM


--------------------
Un prost gaseste intodeauna unul mai prost , care sa-l admire

Nicolas Boileau


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Unu
mesaj 30 Mar 2004, 05:26 PM
Mesaj #103


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Cred că poate fi postat aici, pentru că nu există categoria de bancuri bilingve. Şi, atenţie! oricum nu e banc.

n urmă cu vre-o zece ani, la partida de dublu din cadrul unui meci de Cupa Davis desfăşurat la Bucureşti, unul dintre protagonişti primeşte o minge taman n locul cel mai dureros, drept pentru care respectivul ia o poziţie caracteristică suferinţei ndurate, şi o grimasă nsoţită de strigătul de rigoare.
In tribună se iscă oarece rumoare. Arbitrul avertizează: "Quiet, please!". Cum era de aşteptat, rumoarea se transformă ntr-un rs general, iar acelaşi arbitru continuă apoteotic: "New balls, please!"


--------------------
"You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity!" (Bullet-tooth Tony - Snatch)
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Mistinguett
mesaj 1 Apr 2004, 05:54 AM
Mesaj #104


Cea Mai Impaciuitoare Forumista din 2003
******

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Mesaje: 2.395
Inscris: 25 April 03
Forumist Nr.: 240



+++++ French upgrade terror alert +++++

In light of the Madrid bombing, France has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide."

The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaboration."


--------------------
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
"An eye for an eye makes a blind world" - Ghandi
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dromihetes
mesaj 2 Apr 2004, 01:26 AM
Mesaj #105


Musteriu
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Dear Carol,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our
"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left,
I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded
little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to
make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling
back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's
cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I
don't care about looking bad anymore.

I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe
it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what
my heart says: "There's no one like you, Carol." I look for you in the
eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not
even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me.
I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my
desperation. She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies
that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I
mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that
just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch
being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made
important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body
mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you
see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she
have a better heart than my moderately attractive Carol? I doubt it. And
I'd never really thought of that before.
I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd
tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself
thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her
flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else.
Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it
hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do
you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you! Jesus, Carol,
I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of
you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn
lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna.
She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I
didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story.
Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know,
we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster
in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does
when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids
can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on
your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we
straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but
it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Carol ever
put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14
years, and we never used it as a sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order.
I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on
her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful
time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in
general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Carol, she really is.
So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about
happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all
I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And
that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into
the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I
pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the
bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting
inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?
It's true, Carol. In your heart you must know it.

Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances
away and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can
you let me know where the fucking remote is.

Love,

Don.
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